Re-opens..

I consider my re-opening this blog as a shameful act.. Not keeping to one's words is pathetic. But its ok. I realise that I am what I am. I simply cant do away with my so-called rationality.

I am confused. And this is just an attempt to vent my odd feelings. One thing I found (I should not say recently.. Niether it is so very early) was that one has to learn to live for himself (Don't take hints..).

I read a novel.. Not for the sheer pleasure of reading. But for the sake of a friendly chat with my best friend about the book.

I think of technical innovations. Not for the sheer pleasure of discovering. But for the recognition from the able-minded.

I talk with a person worried about what impression I create.

The pathetic thing is that, that perception is never under our control. And its always over-stated or under-stated. The sheer pain of finding that your efforts to create that impression leads to a same result as that of a person who seems to have used a little subtle instrument is heart-breaking. Maybe life is all about management. Use resources to produce output. Here output could be either monetary (physical), social or physiological. All hell breaks loose when the social output gets monitored. why on earth do we worry what others think of us. Why on earth dont we understand that one cant satisfy all at a time. By all I literally mean all.

Is human mind so complex. Or am I perceiving. This is possibly the second time I am writing such a weird article. Well.. But then, judging others is difficult. Why is it so is no one's guess. I guess one should be a loner if he feels that being egregious doesn't suit him. But then loneliness will grip him, I am sure. But then, the fine balance of impassionate passionate talk helps.. Maybe. Care a damn about others is it? Well not all are brought up like that. I have some lessons to learn... Learnt it thought not as hard a way as my really loved people have.. If such a small learning is hurting so much, I respect and admire aghast the learnings of the... Thats when I feel such helplessness is a formation of a maturity.

Well.. I started this post to vent out.. But I should admit. I havent. I shall think more on this and write some other shit. For someone who has read all this: 'I am not this way actually.. I am writing this because you would read..'. What a weird thing to say to end.